A step back in time
As children, we are rewarded for positive behavior and punished for negative behavior and so taught how we should behave in society. People that feel guilt and shame are often ashamed of their siblings and children’s behavior.
We all have wounds that we carry from relationship to relationship. Feelings of unworthiness and guilt for being human. We have been taught that we must behave a certain way to be loved, to be excepted, to be worthy.
“The greatest healing would be to wake up to what we are not.” Mooji
This is our old reality, a reality we were trained and taught by our parents who were taught by their parents…and it goes way back through generations. It is a time of great change, a time to let the past go, to release old pains and wounds, to forgive those that knew no better, that perpetuated the cycle of pain. No one wants pain, not consciously.
As a child, I remember being treated as if I did not exist, other than when I was required to do some housework or chores. In the early teens, I was responsible for the safety of my two younger sisters. I recall the inner feelings of bearing this burden. It was something I did not agree to yet was instilled in me from a young age.
For each of us, our behavior is learned, learned behavior can be unlearned. It’s beneficial to look at your life, where the ideas and beliefs about yourself came from.
I admit for most of my life I never thought to ask myself these questions. I was unaware of many things, emotions, behaviors, and beliefs, and how they affected my decisions and my lifestyle.
Looking within for answers to these questions has become a common practice, asking myself the life-changing questions and paying attention to how I feel. I had been trained away from my feelings. I was told what to do. How I felt or what I wanted was made unimportant by my parents.
I am grateful that I have worked through many of the wounds that I have carried from childhood. Feeling unworthy and invalidated was normal, it’s what I was trained to believe. A friend of mine used to say this all the time and we would debate about it…
“You don’t know what you don’t know! ………. Until you know!
Sometimes you have to go through an experience more than once to realize what is in line with your greatest good. How do you know how many times is too many? I suppose it is as many as it takes before a decision to change is made. For each person it’s different. I was proud of myself knowing that I had a high tolerance for pain. No pain -No gain I was taught. I learned to disregard my own needs, wants and feelings. Putting others first for way too long… I suppose the pain just got unbearable… that’s how I knew. I realized it was time to focus inward.
There were and still are many family dynamics just like mine. It is not that I was taught this way deliberately to cause suffering, my parents had learned this way too! This was the way they were treated as children…. actually they were treated even worse.
In 2012 I went through a tough time. My relationship ended, the year went by in a haze and I found no answers. I felt unworthy, I felt abandoned, I felt unloved. I thought I would never have another relationship. It’s too painful, I said to myself, never again! That year I started to realize that the most important relationship is the one I have with myself! My pain was showing how my thoughts of guilt, shame, and blame had been holding me back from living a life of freedom.
Freedom is feeling and allowing
The cycle goes round and round until we can feel the pain, shame, guilt, judgment that was built up in our childhood. We need to understand why we are the way we are and decide to let it all go, allow it to be, stop fighting about who is to blame for your life and the way it was or is. Know that everything has a purpose, every experience is your teacher, every feeling is a guide, pay attention to how you feel.
Often in avoiding the pain and what we believe is causing it, we turn to addictive behavior which only perpetuates the problem. When the mind cannot cope, the solutions it offers are always to push you further from the truth. Any addiction is a cover-up, it’s a distraction your mind will offer, it’s the bait to keep you from looking within.
If you are not aware or not paying attention it sweeps you up in the thoughts of the past or future and how you could have done something different to prevent the pain you are now feeling. The pain that is creating your suffering.
It can also be that future plans are not going as expected, the fear of losing is where the focus of the mind is. The mind’s purpose is to protect from loss and keep you secure. This is where the mind will look to blame someone for the potential or perceived loss or threat of loss.
In either case, all the thoughts going through the mind create pain in the moment. It is at this moment when we have the power to Integrate the pain. Feel the pain, allow it to be, thank it for what it has shown us, forgive the actions of all parties involved, and then surrender to the Now. In my experience, this is the most powerful healing.
The energy that is trapped in the body is held there by judgment, guilt, shame and many other negative emotions that have not been processed and released.
My left shoulder had muscle damage. I couldn’t lift my arm, I couldn’t dress. My arm was out of action for months. Therapies and medical treatments were a waste of time. I tried Myotherapy, Osteopathy, and massages to relieve the pain but nothing worked.
Eventually I decided to try Energy Healing and guided meditation. It took me over a month before I was able to use my arm again. I persisted each day, it takes time, depending on the injury and how long you have carried the pain or injury. Daily commitment and a peaceful mind are necessary to get the results and truly heal.
Pay attention to the pain
I don’t remember where I read this, but I know what it means now, and I know it works, it has helped me. I pay attention to the feeling of pain now and I always ask myself, “What is this pain trying to tell me?“ What am I thinking that is not in line with the greater truth?” It’s about integration and becoming the best version of yourself. Learning about yourself. It is all a part of the journey.
- P- Pay
- A- Attention
- Realizing- The ah-ha moment!
- Questioning- Being aware
- Understanding-Seeing the truth
- Feeling-The pain of the wound
- Healing-Remembering we are all perfectly imperfect
- Letting go in forgiveness-Surrendering to the Now
Isn’t it Ironic, don’t you think?
Until we can ask ourselves the hard questions and confront the things that cause us pain, feel the pain, allow it to be, love it for what it has taught us, and let it go, we cannot move forward in our lives. We remain stuck and will manifest more situations much the same, as the soul calls for integration.
If you believe you have healed a hurt or wound, yet feel compelled to talk about it, if you bring it up when you are defending yourself, when you feel attacked or blamed, you are not healed from this hurt. The pain is dormant and can be triggered at any time by a thought, an action or conversation. In this way, it becomes a weapon to defend you from the original wound, to protect you from more pain. The irony is, it builds upon the pain that it is trying to protect, and so continue the pain cycle.
The ego’s job is to protect you and defend you, to keep you safe and secure. No matter the cost to your relationships, it’s eager to defend, it hurts others to defend you, and yet ultimately you are hurt when you hurt another.
Break free from the cycle of pain. The most liberating thing is to know that pain is your intuition telling you, guiding you, showing you the way. So listen to your pain, allow it share its secrets, embrace it like you would a loved one when you are comforting them, say” I understand you”, say “I love you anyway”, say “It’s okay”, “I’m okay” and let it pass, release it out into the Universe…. it is not your burden to bear…it was only there to guide you home. Home to Self Love and Acceptance…
Once the mind stops focusing on the pain and telling the same story, it’s gone, the egoic mind will generate thoughts to stop you from realizing how powerless it is. You can choose to think the thoughts that feel the best and just let the negative ones go. Take control of your mind, then the mind has no control over you. The Ego guards a great treasure.
Food for the Soul
You begin to live from a place of feeling. Asking the question, how do I feel right now? Life starts to Flow. Life becomes easy. Life becomes peaceful.
Being kind to yourself. Taking time out. Engaging in activities that you love and put a smile on your face. This is food for the Soul.
I surround myself with my most favorite things. Flowers, of course, candles, books for soul nourishment and Coco, my cat, who has no problem relaxing and just Being.
Burn beautiful Incense and candles. I Love Dusk candles. They are scented and come in a huge range of decorative glassware that I use for floral arrangements or tea lights when the candle is used. Take a luxurious bath, lavish yourself with some bath salts or bubble bath. Just spend time doing nothing, just being. Play your favorite song, put some relaxing music on where you don’t need to think, meditation is also powerful. You deserve to feel good, for no reason at all…….. Just because.
As we stand in the power of the timeless now and accept what was, and what is, is for our learning, to awaken within us a deeper knowing that we are all part of the One Source.
One by One, through Love and Forgiveness we can heal the World
As we journey through the times of our lives,
the seasons and tides,
the joys and the sorrows,
we live in the moment,
and for all the tomorrowsby zoey mikulcic
The majority of the photographs on Dawning of Joy are taken by Zoey Mikulcic and are original photographs, not to be copied or used. Some photographs are stock images.
All photographs taken by Zoey Mikulcic are the sole property of Zoey Mikulcic and are subject to Copyright.
Some of the photographs on Dawning of Joy have been taken by Lily Mikulcic. courtesy of Sunrises and Roses